Pulled
September 28, 2008
Time is the driver of my life, or the lack of it. And quality is the real currency of my life, not money.
Pulled
I’m finding it increasingly hard to balance all the different sections of my life: family, work, research and me. My twenty five year old self could never have believed just how loaded I could be and still be happy. I think back, sometimes, to my old selves at points in my life when I thought “I sure am busy,” and think “I didn’t even know what busy meant.” I wonder if, in ten years, I’ll look back to this time and think the same thing.
I know what my priorities are: (1) family, (2) work (pays the bills), (3) research (gets me my next job and keeps me learning) and (4) me (I need my me time). What’s really hard is scheduling all of this — finding the time, giving enough time — and feeling that I’ve done a good job.
I constantly try to consider whether I’ve bitten off more than I can chew in terms of my schooling, and in terms of what I’ve committed myself to. The other areas of my life are pretty non-negotiable: I must work my forty hours per week, and be there mentally, and perform well; excel. I want to be present and available for my family, and give them of me what all that they need. And I have to reserve some of my day for myself lest I go crazy — I’ve always needed those little rest periods in my day.
And so my research and schooling get shoehorned into those times when I have no other demands, usually late at night after the rest of the family is in bed; when my daughter takes her (short) naps, and what I negotiate with my partner. I’m usually not at my sharpest at these times.
And yet I’ve also got high standards for myself — my work always has to be the best that I can produce. I’m not satisfied, I feel like I’ve wasted my time if I haven’t produced something that i can be proud of.
So I have a continuous optimization process going in my head: can I complete what I’ve chosen to do in time. Time is the driver of my life, or the lack of it. And quality is the real currency of my life, not money. Doing a good job. How can I do someting that I can be proud of with the resources and time I have available? Can I build on what ever I do now, later? Can I use it to fulfill other goals, as well?
This is why I worry about my project, and what I’ve chosen to do.
